Winter is a big moment, and for some reason, we use the middle of it as a reset button. This year, with no snow in New York to serve as a visual aid for this clean slate, it’s been difficult for me to process the fact that we’ve been given a new start again. It all feels very unceremonious, which is never a word I’d like to use to describe the beginning of a new chapter. I wondered if this was nature, culture, individual or something else. I posted on my instagram story that I was looking for people who were down to spend ten minutes of their day talking about their emotions with me. The response I got was astounding! I did not expect so many people to be game for something so vulnerable, especially given how little information I provided. Somehow, I had two weeks full of conversations with people I knew to varying degrees about crying and the new year. I feel sincerely touched by these moments of connection! My god!
Here is why some people cried this January:
-listening to music in the car
-feeling proud of throwing a good birthday party
-”’where is my home?’ related”
-PMS
-a spicy combination of hallucinogens and “Trolls (2016)”
-a big conversation regarding a relationship
-grief
-a TV show
-transitions
-stuck on a plane for ten hours
-being a romantic
-a family situation; then, again, at retelling the family situation
-recalibrating how success is measured on a personal basis
-a nightmare!
-acupuncture got things moving
-”the queer season of ‘Are You the One’”
-hearing someone talk about their journey
-feeling misunderstood or misinterpreted
-a necessary but difficult relationship change with a family member
-frustration
-having to make plans for the day
-not getting the attention I want
-....realizations…..
-rereading old journals
-having a birthday
-being YOUNG
Here is what those cries were like:
-something was said, and had a hot, numb impact that stunned, and then opened the floodgates
-crying at things feels so good
-lots of fear involved
-crossing the threshold
-big overdue release
-anxiety comes out: the body likes it, the brain does not like it (“I hate to see myself cry”)
-”I hate crying, but I know it’s good for me”
-big and juicy, tears are huge clouds
-intense, important-feeling
-brought in a great feeling!!!!
What (if anything) does this cry forecast about the year ahead?:
-I’m right on track
-It predicts a year of increased tenderizing and more crying, which means I’m facing things
-we’re on the up and up! The crying itself has been productive, gets things moving
-i have super active mirror neurons
-New Years makes no sense! Winter is a time for restoration, no other animals use it as a time to upheave their lives or set their goals
-I’m not filtering my emotions this year! (“it’s too much acting for me”)
-if this month is any indication, the year will be much less sad
-”I’m redirecting my energy”
-I got all the intensity out of the way in January, things are gonna calm down now
-growth!
-this is the year of taking more crying pictures
-it’s gonna be tough, but I’m gonna make it through
If you’re looking for a reason to cry, may I recommend:
-having an honest conversation with an acquaintance (jeez these ones got me)
-watching Goonies– the end of that movie put me in a bodybag.
-this article about “aging exuberantly” from the perspective of an 86 year old woman (thinking about my kärt besvär……….)